Oooops!

'What made me notice her? First of all, she's a woman, so I'm going to notice; second, she's born on May 13 like me, plays electric guitar like me; has a master's degree in math like me; has been teaching like me; finds meaning in symbols and coincidence like me, is probably as nuts as me, probably wonders why you care like me, but is so much better looking than me, I can't stand it. I suggested pistols at dawn she has chosen swords on a wild, secluded beach.

I want you to find out all you can about my enemy. Is she rich? ... What magical abilities does she possess? Apparently, she can change her fingernails to an opaque purple. These are certainly the claws of a predator.'